Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest …wait who are you?
I never looked in the mirror before. My only mirror was the reflection of me in the eyes of the ones I loved.
I was a chameleon, a mound of clay. My love ones shaped away.
I was who they said I needed to be because I believed that was the way to see their love reflecting back at me.
Carrot on the stick trick that convinced me that I am not enough, just being. I must constantly do to mean something to you. Afraid every mistake would move me out of grace. On a constant chase, afraid of being replaced with my first mistake.
Then my King came and said I only want you. The real authentic you. Don’t send your best representative. I want to see you.
The thought of shedding my mask and risking really being seen by someone I want to love me was terrifying. But I trusted him.
So my journey begins. I was like Pinnacho, becoming a real boy. My King guided me, but gave me the space I needed to fall in love with me.
He gave me permission to not seek permission. He said no to me, so I would learn to say Yes to me. When I sought approval in his eyes, he smiled and pointed at the mirror.
And I said Mirror, Mirror on the wall…I am a Child of God, perfectly imperfectly flawed. Not broken, but growing, changing, evolving.
I had to lose the me I pretended to be to find the real me. Had to let go of old ways, thoughts and behaviors. I’m learning me, my philosophy, my desires, my needs.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall, this chick right here is Nicole Renee, and I love her.