When we met, my heart had been demolished and yours had grown impenetrable.
You were so dangerous your heart came with a warning label that said I am incapable of giving or receiving love at this time. Enter at your own risk.
We both had overdosed on this drug called love and set out on a spiritual recovery program happy to never have another hit of it. I was yelling I’m Ms. independant and you had mastered the art of detachment.
Ohhh, but the experience of you began to infuse me. You stroked my soul, long before you touched my body, You caused my consciousness to klymaxx. You caressed my body with the impeccable memory of all of things that i said i needed to be pleased. You gave me life as you revealed to me your mistakes and moods, your highs and your lows, your passion and a quick glimpse of your soul. The more you told me of your past and your flaws, your dreams and your goals, I fell off the anti love wagon and into love. Your mind and soul were hot, but damn your heart was cold.
I get it. I had changed the game. My feelings weren’t invited to our party, but yet they still came.
I know what you told me before, what I agreed to when I walked through the door, but my feelings are here now and we want so much more. And you responded unmoved by my emotional display. The same is true now as it was on the first day.
Heartbroken by words both spoken and unspoken. The what ifs keep me awake with tears in my eyes as I realize what was never a surprise.
I swallowed the reality of what was but my mind still created a fantasy of what could be. And I stayed…lying to myself that I could keep control. I could compartmentalize my soul. I could make sure my feelings won’t grow. So I settled for less, but still hoped for more. And although you cautioned me repeatedly, I ignored all your warnings.
Like a crash cart you had jump started my heart.But then you took my heart and crushed it, gave it back like it was worthless then blamed me for entrusting you with it. Laughed that I could be so careless by ignoring your warnings with something so precious.
The jolts of pain told me my heart had never been demolished, never had been empty.
I love you from a distance now knowing even a moment of closeness creates hope on something that’s hopeless. I am at peace knowing I’m capable, deserving of and willing to risk it all to experience love. Thank you for reviving this unbreakable beast.