Love / Poetry

Why I’m not an independent woman.

I.n.d.e.p.e.n.d.e.n.t, do you know what that means?  That’s the single lady anthem right?

I’m strong, self sufficient, not waiting for or wanting a man for anything.
I go to sleep at night alone surrounded by beautiful things in a beautiful home.
I bring home the bacon, cook it, and eat it.

The only time I need a man is when I need him to come make love to me then leave. I only need you for some short term intimacy.  I need you to unselfishly please me.

I do not need you to provide for me.  To protect me.  To cover me.  I am too independent for that.

I don’t have time for these men anyway.  All they want to do is play and cheat with whatever moves.  I refuse to be in my feelings over these dudes. Never wanting to face that the issue may be the men I choose.

So I’m yelling I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T, you know what that means?

It means I have been hurt so many times in my past, I no longer believe I am worthy of a King showing up and treating me as his priority.  Loving me beyond my mask, beyond my ugly.
It means I have given up on being found by a good man who would love me the way I am design to be loved.

So I settle and give myself away in pieces I can control because I’ll be damned if I volunteer to be hurt anymore.

This anthem is my shield protecting myself from ever having to feel ANYTHING.

But then my soul, my very essence cried out and said, I can’t keep hiding behind my independence, my success, pretending that shallowness could fill a void so deep.
My womanly essence said:
I want a good man.

I can not hide behind an anthem of being independent in order to avoid taking the risk of being in love again.

I no longer subscribe to the school of thought that I don’t need a man.  That’s not the way we were created. God said it was not good for man to be alone so he created woman to be a helpmate. At no point was Eve chilling in the garden by herself singing “All the single ladies.”

It’s time for us to move into the positions we were designed for.  It is time to take our places on our throne rightfully beside our Kings…pushing them forward with our expectations, not telling them to get in formation.  Protecting them, but not enabling them. Holding them accountable for being the King they were design to be. Allowing him to provide, protect, and cover me.

To my king waiting patiently in the wings for me to stop with this tomfoolery.  I’m ready. I’m waiting.

Sincerely,
Not an independent woman

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